MailGuru
Well-known member
The following are ACTUAL instruction labels on some consumer goods sold here in America:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(A lot of bald hotheads were suing the company)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be... how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(Hey, but, it's just a "suggestion!")
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product may be hot after heating.
(There's a pretty good chance, I'd say.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Especially if you put some of that bread pudding in your pocket first.)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate heavy machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the forklifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: Use care! May cause drowsiness.
(Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of the corporate lawyer.)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(I guess we won't see them on the International Space Station)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(For the newly lobotomized)
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(A lot of bald hotheads were suing the company)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be... how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(Hey, but, it's just a "suggestion!")
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product may be hot after heating.
(There's a pretty good chance, I'd say.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Especially if you put some of that bread pudding in your pocket first.)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate heavy machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the forklifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: Use care! May cause drowsiness.
(Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of the corporate lawyer.)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(I guess we won't see them on the International Space Station)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(For the newly lobotomized)
