Allowing someone to die

[Ricki Overton]

Hi all!

This is certainly an off-topic discussion, but I hope that you can share your experience (if you have) and even comment on how to proceed.

My co-worker recently shared that he is thinking of agreeing to give euthanasia to his wife who is suffering from cancer. They've been through a lot and his wife already consented on this. The problem is the state where they are presently residing does not allow mercy killing. I want to help but I'm afraid of what to say to him.

 

[MailGuru]

Ricki, that is just profoundly sad. My heart goes out to you, your friend, and his wife. My personal belief is to fight through adversity. Miracles have happened where a terminal cancer patient suddenly becomes cancer-free. However, to answer your question, I believe California has a "right to die with dignity" law wherein she would be allowed to take her own life, but, having someone else take her life is, basically, homicide.

 

[gordo]

Since your co-worker may have to move - perhaps temporarily - offering your help, reassurance and understanding is about all I think you can do as he goes through this uncertain process.

These resources may be helpful:

https://www.deathwithdignity.org/lea...-dignity-acts/

https://euthanasia.procon.org/view.r...ourceID=000132

 

[gordo]

I believe California has a "right to die with dignity" law wherein she would be allowed to take her own life, but, having someone else take her life is, basically, homicide.

I don't get it. We wouldn't allow an animal to suffer needlessly and we allow euthanasia for them but we require that humans suffer and disallow euthanasia.

My father died of prostate cancer. It took a year for the cancer to kill him - slowly and very painfully even while he was hooked up to a morphine drip 24/7. Heroin would have been more effective but I guess the powers that be wouldn't want him to get addicted. No, he was made to suffer for no purpose. A pox on the system that allows this cruelty to people.

My dog had a terminal disease. The vet came to my home and in the comfort of family 3 injections were made - one to relax her, then one to render her unconscious, then the last to stop her heart. Why don't we have the same compassion for people, in the same condition, who wish to end their suffering?

 

[Ricki Overton]

Thank you for sharing and for giving your insights about my query. I think with what is happening to Rod (my co-worker) right now, I feel like he's already manifesting some depression issues. Would it be better if I recommend him to go to therapy? This site has some good services --> https://www.betterhelp.com/start/

 

[gordo]

Thank you for sharing and for giving your insights about my query. I think with what is happening to Rod (my co-worker) right now, I feel like he's already manifesting some depression issues. Would it be better if I recommend him to go to therapy? This site has some good services --> https://www.betterhelp.com/start/

When people die, or are aware that death is close by, they may experience numerous difficulties and changes, and this may naturally give rise to confusion and possibly painful emotions. They have physical needs – relief from pain and discomfort, assistance in performing the most basic tasks such as drinking, eating, relieving themselves, bathing and so forth. They have emotional needs – to be treated with respect, kindness and love; to talk and be listened to; or, at certain times, to be left alone and in silence. They have spiritual needs – to make sense of their life, their suffering, their death, and perhaps to have hope for what lies beyond death. Depression is an insidious disease. The person suffering from it may not be aware how it's distorting their thinking and life. It can hinder his ability to be fully there and supportive of his wife in her time of need. So, yes, be there for him. Perhaps suggest counselling or for him to reach out to professionals for support. But also recognize that it is his journey to take - not yours.

 

[MailGuru]

Best advice I ever heard, Gordo.

A "Like" doesn't even begin to cover it (even though I did).

 

[MailGuru]

Just for the "other side of the coin", I lost my wife of 28 years to cancer in 2013. Started as breast, spread to lung, to bone, and finally brain cancer. My mother-in-law in 2015. My girlfriend has beaten it since last year (ovarian, slight spread to other organs, but, is in remission with a current clean bill of health). I can tell you that a very large part of beating it is your state of mind. The mind is a very powerful organ. More powerful than scientists and researchers can explain. If your mind is convinced that this is it, that there's no sense in fighting the inevitable, then, you will succumb to the disease. New successful cancer treatments are being approved by the FDA every week. I am of the opinion that mankind is extremely close to finding the cure for many different types of cancer. But, even with the new technology, a large part of the success rate is contingent upon your state of mind. This is what I meant from my previous post about fighting through the adversity.

As for me, personally (and I probably have this quoted wrong, but, the meaning is still very poignant to me)--- "I will not go gently into that night, I will not give up without a fight, rage, rage against the dying light...................."

 

[Ricki Overton]

When people die, or are aware that death is close by, they may experience numerous difficulties and changes, and this may naturally give rise to confusion and possibly painful emotions. They have physical needs – relief from pain and discomfort, assistance in performing the most basic tasks such as drinking, eating, relieving themselves, bathing and so forth. They have emotional needs – to be treated with respect, kindness and love; to talk and be listened to; or, at certain times, to be left alone and in silence. They have spiritual needs – to make sense of their life, their suffering, their death, and perhaps to have hope for what lies beyond death. Depression is an insidious disease. The person suffering from it may not be aware how it's distorting their thinking and life. It can hinder his ability to be fully there and supportive of his wife in her time of need. So, yes, be there for him. Perhaps suggest counselling or for him to reach out to professionals for support. But also recognize that it is his journey to take - not yours.

Thank you for elucidating the needs of persons having depression. In fact, the ones that you mention are all present in Rod.