This wants to make me think that your machine was never correctly set up in the first place. I have no experience with the 8000's but I used to set up the 6500/6501's and 1050's for before they went out on instals. There are alot of steps in setting a machine up which include magnification, restart timing, centering and colour. The fact that your getting such a distorted image makes me thing ether something was incorrectly set up (Service mode settings)
Im assuming this is happening on all jobs/colours/stocks? As for scratching, depending on the types of stock your running, it may just be a reality of that particular stock especially heavy gloss coated stocks
Also as much as of a konica person as I am, your definitely within the frame of mind/business sense were you would want to walk away and go with a new machine.
We are, almost daily, resetting magnification, restart timing, centering. In the service mode.
Today, our 2-3 mil shift showed its head again. Argh.